


Stuck in the Middle with You

by sherlockruiningmylife



Series: The Ineffable Playlist [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fear, Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Music, Other, Song Lyrics, Song fic, Stuck in the middle with you, humans in training, kind of, living in the middle, trying to be human
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29499138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockruiningmylife/pseuds/sherlockruiningmylife
Summary: Second work in 'the Ineffable Playlist', does not follow the first.Based on the song 'Stuck in the Middle with You' by Stealers Wheel.Crowley is seeing demons and angels all over. He becomes paranoid that they are about to be captured again and refuses to leave Aziraphale's side. Fortunately for them, it is not as devious as Crowley's mind led him to believe.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: The Ineffable Playlist [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2165421
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Stuck in the Middle with You

It was a typical evening in the ghost of the thwarted apocalypse. Crowley and Aziraphale had dinner plans and were on their way to the restaurant in the Bentley. Crowley wasn’t so much as driving the Bentley, rather he had his foot on the gas, hands on the wheel, and his will to guide it. Aziraphale had his eyes screwed shut, but Crowley scanned the pedestrians they passed.

“Angel,” the demon hissed suddenly, “did you see who that was?”

“Hm? Oh, what, no dear. Who was-WATCH OUT CROWLEY, you almost hit that man!”

“Well he shouldn’t’ve been on the sidewalk. He knew the risk he was taking.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes, “What was it you were saying dear?”

“Oh, right, uh, never mind. Just thought I saw someone, must have been mistaken.”

Aziraphale let the issue drop, he was too busy fearing for his corporation. As the Bentley swung up against the curb in the fire-lane, Aziraphale shakily exited as Crowley leapt out.

They sat through most of their dinner chatting about nothing important and watching the humans around them. It was nice to be on their own side. If they were being honest, being in the middle of Heaven and Hell had always felt natural. The neutral territory of the Earth was home.

They got up to leave, as they were walking out Crowley leaned close to the angel and hissed, “Don’t look now, but I think I recognize one of the people behind us. Well, they aren’t a person, but a demon. Seen them before in the hallways downstairs.”

“Oh dear,” the angel looked ahead with increasing worry, “do you think they are still keeping tabs on you?”

“Not sure, they never paid attention before. And we’ve left them alone so I don’t know why they would now. But they definitely saw us.” Crowley thought back to the drive to the restaurant. He had thought he’d seen an angel on the sidewalk but wasn’t sure. This was beginning to make him feel very uneasy.

The two got back into the Bentley and drove to the bookshop.

Crowley let the angel out but did not follow him in. As he drove back to his own flat, he noticed another demon a few streets away. This could not all be a coincidence. Angels and demons avoided the Earth if they could.

He entered his flat and inspected it thoroughly. Checking every nook and cranny. Listening for anything suspicious. He even held a quick interview with all of his plants but nothing was amiss.

He went into his office and called the bookshop. On the second ring, he heard, “Hello?”

“Ehiya Angel. You may want to stand back a few feet. Don’t face the phone to the wall though!”

“Is everything alright dear?”

“Just _do it_ Angel.”

“Okay fine, but you better explain soon.”

He heard the sound of the angel’s footsteps and waited a few seconds. He set his own phone on the desk face up, then entered the phone line. He traveled through it quickly and rematerialized on the other side.

_Well, I don’t know why I came here tonight_

_I got the feeling that something ain’t right_

“Oh, what are you doing dear!”

“Hang-up the phone.”

Aziraphale bustled over to the receiver and set it back on the hook, with a click the line was dead.

“Are you alright dear?”

“Hush, angel”

Crowley was inspecting the bookshop as he had his flat. This was a much larger task as there were so many small places for things to hide. The angel just watched as he crawled through the shop. He wasn’t sure what this was about but took Crowley’s advice and stayed silent. The demon looked worried so he did his best to listen.

_I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair_

_And I’m wondering how I’ll get down the stairs_

“I think we’re clear Angel,” Crowley announced after coming down from a rather precariously organized bookshelf.

“What is going on?”

_Clowns to the left of me_

_Jokers to the right_

“We are being watched.”

“What!? Are you sure? Watched by who?”

“Not sure, but I have seen several of them nearby. From both sides. I think we better stick together till we figure out what’s going on.”

_Here I am_

_Stuck in the middle with you_

Aziraphale moved to the windows and looked out. He could see a few figures across the street and wondered if they were angels or demons. They could have also been just ordinary humans, it was hard to tell through the old and dirty shop windows. Aziraphale pulled the blinds and they lost the light of the street.

“Well, nothing for it right now I suppose. Best make yourself at home,” He waved his hand to the couch that was already being occupied by the demon.

_Yes, I’m stuck in the middle with you_

_And I’m wondering what it is I should do_

Aziraphale took the seat across from Crowley. He miracled a cup of cocoa and began to sip it.

“Should we make a plan?”

“We don’t know what they’re after. Have you heard from upstairs lately?”

“No, they have been silent ever since the whole execution stint.”

“Hm, yeah, same with down below.”

There was silence as both entities thought. They knew that Heaven and Hell would come back for them, they just expected it to take a few decades. Not only a few months.

Aziraphale stood and moved to sit next to Crowley. He wanted more time with the demon. There was still so much for them to do in the world.

Crowley laughed. He wasn’t sure why; it was probably just the nerves. Try as he might to stifle the laughter, he couldn’t. As he laughed the angel looked at him with a confused expression. Eventually, his companion’s giggles got to him and he smiled. It really ought not to be so funny, but something about it was just hilarious.

_It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face_

_Losing control, yeah, I’m all over the place_

There was nothing for it. When you are met with certain fate. Knowing there is no way out, no escape. Sitting beside your best friend, your partner. There was nothing to do but laugh. All they had done, all they had worked for, had come down to this moment.

Sure, they could go to Alpha Centauri. But if angels and demons were already on their tail then they would stand no chance of hiding. Instead, they sat. They waited for a few hours in silence, listening to the world around them.

Suddenly, there was a polite, almost imperceptible knock on the door. It was well past midnight now. They got up together and braced as they opened the door.

Upon opening it, they saw three demons and two angels.

_Clowns to the left of me_

_Jokers to the right_

No one said a word. Aziraphale stood tall, trying to look like the guard he had been so many years before. Crowley glared and attempted to look dangerous.

The small crowd on the doorstep didn’t move. They did not dare to even blink. Every one of them had heard the rumors. One of the demons had witnessed it firsthand. They were staring down an angel and a demon who had strayed so far that those descriptions no longer fit. Everyone had been instructed to give the two a wide berth and pretend they didn’t exist. They were to be left alone; they were on their own side.

_Here I am_

_Stuck in the middle with you_

“Um hello,” started one of the angels, “we, er, aren’t supposed to be here but…”

They were cut off by Crowley who said, “No, I don’t think you are, so leave. Now.”

The angel that had begun to speak shut their mouth. They looked, Aziraphale noted, frightened.

“Crowley, I don’t think they are here to harm us. Maybe we should hear them out.”

“What? Angel, you can’t be serious?”

Aziraphale just gave him a look.

“Fine Angel have your way. But don’t go inviting them in.”

“They aren’t vampires dear,” Aziraphale turned back to their visitors, “what is it you came for then?”

The angel who had started speaking before looked at their companions. No one else seemed willing to speak so they took charge again and began, “We know we should not be here; we mean you no harm, honestly. We all just, um, well we wanted to know.”

“Wanted to know what my dear?” Aziraphale cooed in a voice that one would use to speak to a child. Crowley smirked at this, it felt like they still had the upper hand and he was going to ensure it stayed that way.

“Well, wanted to know, I suppose how you did it? How you,” the angel paused and looked to their companions again for confirmation. Having seen that they were still behind them, the angel continued, “how you got free?”

_Well, you started out with nothing_

_And you’re proud that you’re a self-made man_

“Free?” echoed Crowley, “we aren’t free.”

“Well, you no longer answer to Hell, right?” asked one of the demons.

“Right…” Crowley trailed off.

“And why do you want to know this?” asked Aziraphale.

“We were hoping to, um, learn, so that we could, maybe, be free too.” Responded one of the other demons who seemed to have built some confidence, having not been smited yet by Aziraphale.

“We are, what do the humans call it? Um, refugees I believe.” Continued the first angel. The others nodded in agreement.

_And your friends, they all come crawling_

_Slap you on the back and say_

“Refugees?” Aziraphale began, “Oh, oh dear, um well it isn’t that simple I’m afraid.”

The two entities in the shop were met with pleading looks from all five beings on the doorstep.

_Please_

_Please_

Crowley reached out in front of the angel and grabbed hold of the door, “just wait here,” he demanded before closing the door on them.

He turned to Aziraphale and hissed, “we can’t help them. What would we say? We can’t tell them the truth. And we can’t pull off the same tricks again.”

“Maybe not my dear, but if they have come this far, they can’t safely go back. They will be found out and destroyed.”

“Yes, and? If we help them, we will be caught in the middle of all of that Holy Unholy wrath again. I don’t fancy trying to survive that a second time.”

“But they are seeking refuge Crowley, we can’t turn them away.”

_Trying to make some sense of it all_

_But I can see it makes no sense at all_

Aziraphale tried his best to look like his mind was made up. Eventually, Crowley sighed and turned back to the door. Before opening it, he said, “They are not staying here though, I don’t want to relive the fire.”

“Yes, fine, we will find them somewhere safe, but they will have to stay here tonight. We will just let them in for a few short hours then find somewhere else as a meeting place.”

Crowley wanted to protest but knew it was a losing battle. Instead, he swung the door open and ushered them in.

Aziraphale turned to them and explained, “We will help you, but it won’t be easy. We cannot meet here but since there is nowhere better for the time being you can stay for the rest of the night.”

This was met joyfully by the small crowd of occult beings in the bookshop.

_Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor?_

_‘Cause I don’t think that I can take anymore_

“Angel, you’ve invited them in, they are your responsibility for now. I’m gonna go get a couple hours sleep, wake me if they are a problem,” Crowley had been willing to see them into the shop. And after realizing that they were genuinely not going to be ambushed, the stress of the day caught up to him. He was exhausted and just wanted to sleep for a couple hours. Crowley walked over to the couch and slept until the sun came up.

When he woke, he smelled eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast. He got up and followed the smell to the small, often left untouched, kitchenette. What he found, was three angels and three demons happily chatting and making breakfast.

“Oh Crowley, I am so glad you are awake. Would you like to join us?”

_Clowns to the left of me_

_Jokers to the right_

Crowley sighed and walked over to his angel. He sat with very little space between the two and contented himself to this.

“What’s the plan Zira? How quickly can we get them out of here?”

“Well, my dear, we are going to teach them how to live like humans. I told them that is our trick. We don’t live like an angel and a demon, we live in the middle, like a human. As She intended.” Even though Aziraphale hated Heaven, he had never really fallen out of love with the Almighty. As much as it bothered Crowley, he hadn’t either. He did not trust Her, but it felt impossible not to love Her.

Crowley sighed, he wasn’t sure this would work, but decided to go with it.

_Here I am_

_Stuck in the middle with you_

Several months later, they had their small cohort of angels and demons spread across the city. They had faced down Gabriel and Beelzebub after about a month. Both still seemed too frightened of the two to do anything though. So, they warned the other angels and demons not to show their faces in Heaven or Hell again or they would be tried for treason, then they left. No one had heard from them since.

_And you started out with nothing_

_And you’re proud that you’re a self-made man_

It seemed that they were all finally free. The angels and demons had a hard time adjusting to human life. It would have, of course, been easier if they had started several millennia ago. Technology did not seem to come naturally to any of them. They made Aziraphale, with his rotary phone in the shop, look like a master of technology. And Crowley, by comparison, was practically a god.

They got their fair share of strange looks from the humans. None of them had any grasp on the concept of gender yet. They had lived their entire existence without it. So, adapting their forms to a single gender was a slow process.

Crowley certainly wasn’t going to push it. He changed genders frequently enough that he didn’t think that they needed to master it.

Aziraphale simply informed them that picking one was something that humans usually did. It would help them blend in. But he too wasn’t going to press the issue.

_And your friends, they all come crawling_

_Slap you on the back and say_

After several more months, another angel turned up at the bookshop. Crowley was there and spotted them first. He approached them and quickly found out they were wanting to join their side.

_Please_

_Please_

Crowley gave them a conspiratorial smile and called Aziraphale over. They worked with the angel for the next few days and got them in touch with the others.

They were informed of the gossip going around Heaven. That it was now possible to leave. That being in the middle, being almost human, was an option. Most angels thought it was a nice idea but never believed it would work. But there was a growing number that had hope. They wanted to be a part of this new side. They wanted to be safe. They wanted to be free.

Crowley and Aziraphale shared worried glances. If they got too many more, they might get another visit from Bee and Gabriel.

There was nothing they could do about it now though. They had made it this far. Surely, they could weather any storm.

That night, after the others left, Crowley curled up next to Aziraphale on the couch.

“Looks like we are stuck in the middle.”

“That it does my dear, that it does.”

They smiled and giggled again. The middle wasn’t such a bad place to be after all.

_Yeah I don’t known why I came here tonight_

_I got the feeling that something ain’t right_

_I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair_

_And I’m wondering how I’ll get down the stairs_

_Clowns to the left of me_

_Jokers to the right_

_Here I am_

_Stuck in the middle with you_

_Yes, I’m stuck in the middle with you_

_Stuck in the middle with you_

_Here I am_

_Stuck in the middle with you_

**Author's Note:**

> Eventually I will get to Queen songs, but at the moment, I don't think I can do them justice. So these other songs are all like warm ups to Queen. Not to say I don't love the songs, just that they aren't the end goal.


End file.
